I’ve been thinking a lot about choice these days. I have even decided that my new motto is this: “I am The Voice for Choice”. I like it. It is not a new concept for me or the world, but rather one that I am currently pondering and well, choosing!

Some times things happen in our lives that we have little choice about. In October of 1994, my husband and son were in an automobile accident. I received a phone call from an anonymous person who told me that my son (6 years old) was on his way to the hospital where I was working in the ICU. I chose to turn my patients over to the other nurses and go to the emergency room to be with my son when he arrived. (His father had stayed with the car and sent my son alone in the ambulance. Don’t get me started on that subject! I still have some forgiving to do there!) Although it was hard for me to do, I also chose to go home with him, leaving my co-workers in the lurch that night. His father would have been with him at home, but I needed Doug and he needed me. I made a good choice. Yes, this was a hard decision for me because I felt responsibility to both my son and my job.

Last week I was told to stay home from my nursing job. I was to go to a new patient’s home and orient so that I could be of greater service to my employer. This is something that I am OK with. This way, if one of his nurses is out sick or on vacation, I can fill in. (I work part time as a registered nurse doing private duty home care so that I can keep my RN license. The state will not let me keep my license unless I work a certain number of hours in nursing during the licensure period. Go figure! For some reason, having a massage therapy practice and utilizing my nursing abilities every day at my office just isn’t good enough!) I like being flexible and helpful so this works for me. Once I got that email this morning telling me to stay home I had a choice—actually many choices. I could grump about the loss of money or I could complain about the staff member who knew this days ago and only told me as I was preparing to go (I had sent her an email asking for directions to the home, and I knew that if I already had the directions, I would have driven there for no reason!) OR, I could take my coffee and laptop back to bed, snuggle in with my cats on a very very cold day and spend the time reading and writing before I going to my office in the afternoon. I chose to be content right where I was and that I will have at least as much income from massage as I would have had from orientation. And in the meantime, I have written 2 blogs, an article, and worked on editing one of my books. That sounds pretty productive to me! AND I’ve managed to sit in my sauna for an hour and sweat.

What are you choosing today?

I should be out cleaning out the hen house. I also have a long to-do list for the day (and even more for the week!). Yet here I sit writing a blog about gratitude.

It’s the season for that, I guess. The past 3 winters have been exceptionally hard for me and I worked hard in order to survive them. Survival is an accomplishment of which I am quite proud! In the past, it has been very easy for me to look at what I don’t have or what I want to have in my life, instead of the wonderfulness of what I do have. Even before experiencing many losses, this has always been the time of year when I start to feel depressed and stressed. The shorter days have always tended to impact my mood in a negative way, resulting in my feeling less energy, more fatigue, more grumpy and just depressed, drained and tired. It is also the time of year when I stress over family visits (or lack thereof) and the holidays in general.

That said, as I sit here in the midst of November, I am filled with gratitude. My life is full. I have two wonderful children who are thriving. I have a wonderful home and little farm. I have the best friends and community that a person could ever ask for. I could look at all that I’ve lost, and I’ve done a lot of that in the past. But what feels right and good to me right now, is to look at what I do have. To focus on joy and contentment. To thrive…even if it is winter time! To know that I have a choice to feel good right now is a liberal and freeing thing for me!

Here’s what I know for sure: My life is blessed. If I had every thing that I want right now, I would just find some new things to want. So I am choosing to be happy right where I am. (I figure wanting or desire is a good thing since even great spiritual leaders of past and present have desires…for greater peace, joy, and/or knowledge, right?) Radical, isn’t it?! I still have things to do, places to go and people to see. And I choose to do so feeling full of gratitude and the knowledge that my life is blessed. And the best part is that I know it is genuine… because both friends and strangers have commented on it. Wanna come with me?

Respectfully submitted,

Pam